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Self-pity vs. Self-compassion

Self pity vs. self-compassion. What’s the difference? And, who cares?

Self-pity is a passive self-absorbed thing. It prevents us from having self-compassion. And it prevents us from fully loving others.

Imagine. (Pleeeeasssseee…Totally stop everything right now and take a few minutes to truly imagine with me...) Imagine a time when you’re tenderly and compassionately caring for someone that is ill. You lovingly put them to bed.  A little later, you go in to check on them and they are asleep. You stand in the doorway and you watch them sleep and you pray and will them to be well again. You have compassion for them. The person turns over, looks at you and you realize, that person…

It’s YOU!

Now…if you can stay in that moment of time, healing is waiting for you there!

Self-pity vs. self-compassion.

Modeling. Our children model what they see in us. If we don’t forgive ourselves, the child likely is unforgiving toward the mother/father and toward self, as well.

Healthy child: “My mother/father loved life.” However…If we raise “healthy” kids, and we only love them, but we don’t love ourselves, they too will have difficulty loving themselves, because that is what was modeled for them = NOT loving oneself.

Disclaimer: of course we are not referring to the model that embraces thinking the world revolves around oneself, but rather a good healthy love of what the Creator decided we would be. He chose our personality, our spiritual gifts, our talents and skills. To not embrace who we were created to be, is an affront to our Father. We owe it to our children to know the difference between self-pity vs. self-compassion.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this. Have you found this to be true?




  1. Excellent thoughts and advice. No one taught us that did they? I hope I taught some of it to my children. I think they got it somewhere.

    Comment by Ellen

  2. Thanks, Ellen. No, I don’t think I remember being taught that before I had children.I think that I made it more difficult for my children by not modeling self-compassion. May God make up for my lack was often my prayer. And still is! 🙂

    Comment by admin

  3. In the past four days God has spoken to me in three situations about loving who God has created me to be. I constantly compare myself with others, and God is really convicting me to love who I am. Thank you for these words.

    Comment by Joshua Schneider

  4. Thanks, Josh. God’s amazing how often He seems to speak in “threes”, like He just did for you. So happy to hear that this post happened to be one of the three! 🙂 What a blessing that you took the time to let me know! God’s got big plans for you, Josh! Keep listening! You are a blessing!

    Comment by admin

  5. I needed to thanks for this fantastic go through!! I surely experiencing every single tiny little bit of it I’ve you bookmarked to check out out new things you post…

    Comment by iphone 5 icon dock

  6. Thanks for writing re the self-pity vs. self-compassion post. Glad it was helpful! I look forward to hearing from you again.

    Comment by admin

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Filed under: Spiritual Life — Tags: — Pam Taylor @ 11:09 am